Spawned by creatures too terrible for these pages to tell, Anthony and

Chris Roach emerged from the primordial ooze carrying nothing but lengths of German plywood, bad attitudes, and a hatred for everything and everybody. Especially one another!!

Uncle Dinners, in the meantime, was living at the bottom of a large barrel, trying his best to drown in his own failure................. the sounds of the twins' pure vindictiveness penetrated his stupour .......he began to howl heat, and an instant bond was formed.

In line with the rules governing the new 'care in the community' initiative, extra staff had to be brought in to help supervise the twins........Darren Howe was an obvious choice....An ex prison guard, regarded as too brutal for Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo bay.... and the owner of an even bigger length of plywood.......... he became the bass player.

Being hampered by a total lack of funds, but feeling the need to complement the sound with something a little sweeter....and being completely unable to find it.........our heroes coerced failed asylum seeker Junkhouse Dog (so called 'cos he lives in a dustbin) to play the comb and paper....for half the minimum wage!!...Unfortunately, modern bog roll is not conducive to good music, so the dog was sent to apply for a grant from the social to buy a harmonica........ he is learning to play it!! The line-up was completed by young wolf cub and shed builder Joe Weaver, on drums........ Unfortunately, due to the forthcoming court case involving Joe and some rather unsavoury sexual suggestions from certain members of the band, we are currently unable to publish his picture or divulge his true identity.......... Ladies, Gentlemen, children of the crawling flesh.......I give you THE ROACH TWINS BAND